WHEN I WAS A CHUMP
When I was a chump I never knewHow marvellous it would be to
Be married to a Slovak bride and
Still have room for a bit on the side
He’s still got room for a bit on the side
I still got room for a bit on the side
My caddy’ll fix it if my balls all go wide
He’s still got room for a bit on the side
His caddy’ll fix it if his balls all go wide
But now they’re calling me Resident Chump
With reference to my MRIs
I long for the days when all they mocked
Was my ludicrous hair and my finger size
His ludicrous hair and his finger size
My ludicrous hair and my finger size
It’s all fake news and media lies
It’s all fake news and media lies
For God’s sake give him a Noble Prize
Cos nobody else stops wars like me
Two before lunch and one after tea
I need a noble prize or eight
Plus a half for the one that started late
He wants a half for the one that started late
A half for the one that started late
Else I’ll be raising your interest rate
He wants a half for the one that started late
Or else he be raising yer interest rate
Well I never won a tournament
Cos tennis refs are mostly bent
I’m as agile as a mastodon
But now they’re calling me Wimble Don
Now they’re calling him Wimble Don
Yes now they’re calling me Wimble Don
Cos Billie Jean King gave me her gong
Now they’re calling him Wimble Don
He got a gong from Jimmy and one from John
Now people who come from a foreign land
Like the Piaf bird or Yves Montand
Are all very well, between you and me
The problem’s not with their home country
The problem’s not with their home country
So ooh la la, if you’re asking me
The problem’s they’re not white you see
The problem is if you’re asking he
the problem’s they’re not white, you see
The problem is if you’re asking he
The problem’s they’re not white, you see
Back to the Resident Chump