In what swine veterinarians are calling ‘unprecedented’ and ‘frankly alarming’, the experimental rock ensemble Resident Chump and the Quiet Piggies have released ‘When I Was a Chump’, a porcine reflection on the perils of being not quite on top of your game, all the time.
THE FUTURE OF PORK
Fronted by the enigmatic Resident Chump, the band operates on a strict philosophy of ‘xenochronological flexibility’. Who is the Resident Chump? Nobody knows, although it is clear that he has expert support from his vocalists the Quiet Piggies, who communicate exclusively through interpretive snuffling and pork-related allegory.
NO HABLA ESPANOL!
Critics have described their harmonies as ‘unsettling, yet tax-deductible’. Plus they sing in English not in Spanish, a curious language which no more than 484 million people speak worldwide and NO REAL MURICANS! And above all they are QUIET!
Their debut single, ‘When I Was a Chump,’ reimagines the Gilbert and Sullivan chestnut through the aural lens of someone who once dreamed about life unencumbered by revelatory so-called ‘files’. The track features Resident Chump’s signature vocal—described as “Dick van Dyke gargling a multi-syllabic thesaurus”—backed by the Piggies’ ethereal oinking in their distinctive one-part harmony.
RESIDENT CHUMP
Resident Chump inherited a huge quantity of pig food at an early age but unfortunately lost it all. Having spent most of the subsequent years on a strict, if unavoidable, diet, he now eats his own body weight in hamburgers four times per day, and sometime more.
- For more on the Resident Chump, see here
- For more on the Quiet Piggies, see here
- Read the lyrics!
- Read the Chump biog!
- Alas, the Quiet Piggies are now history having been replaced by the The Too-Tight Heggers