In what swine veterinarians are calling ‘unprecedented’ and ‘frankly alarming’, the experimental rock ensemble Resident Chump and the Quiet Piggies have released ‘When I Was a Chump’, a porcine reflection on the perils of being not quite on top of your game, all the time.
THE FUTURE OF PORK
Fronted by the enigmatic Resident Chump, the band operates on a strict philosophy of ‘xenochronological flexibility’. Who is the Resident Chump? Nobody knows, although it is clear that he has expert support from his vocalists the Quiet Piggies, who communicate exclusively through interpretive snuffling and pork-related allegory.
NO HABLA ESPANOL!
Critics have described their harmonies as ‘unsettling, yet tax-deductible’. Plus they sing in English not in Spanish, a curious language which no more than 484 million people speak worldwide and NO REAL MURICANS! And above all they are QUIET!
Their debut single, ‘When I Was a Chump,’ reimagines the Gilbert and Sullivan chestnut through the aural lens of someone who once dreamed about life unencumbered by revelatory so-called ‘files’. The track features Resident Chump’s signature vocal—described as “Dick van Dyke gargling a multi-syllabic thesaurus”—backed by the Piggies’ ethereal oinking in their distinctive one-part harmony.
‘When I Was a Chump’ drops on Monday 23rd February at 3:47 PM CET precisely.
RESIDENT CHUMP
Resident Chump inherited a huge quantity of pig food at an early age but unfortunately lost it all. Having spent most of the subsequent years on a strict, if unavoidable, diet, he now eats his own body weight in hamburgers four times per day, and sometime more.
Esmerelda K. Piglet is a big fan of a wide variety of bogus, swine-related diseases, and spends her free time researching humans and then eating them.
Griselda Q. Piglet comes from a long line of swine, and has stood in more queues than she has had hot dinners, which is quite a lot. When not supporting Resident Chump in her role as spokes-swine by calling out the FAKE NEWS, she enjoys nothing more than a good old-fashioned roll around in the dirt. And who can blame her?
Melanoma Z. Piglet had the enormous good fortune to work as a call-pig until she fell, but literally, into the clutches of Resident Chump, who made her a job offer she couldn’t understand as he was speaking in Ze Forein Langwidj. The rest is pork-history.