COVIDiots

Martin Gordon delivers medical advice to the world

NEW SINGLE RELEASED July 3rd 2020

COVIDiots have taken over the asylum. Gathering in huge flocks to protest their right to spread disease and get haircuts while armed to the teeth with tactical assault weapons and picnic baskets, COVIDiots rule.

Please follow the below advice to mitigate the impact as much as possible (if possible). If not, it doesn’t matter. Vote for ME anyway and Make COVIDiocy Great Again!

STAY ALERT!

Keep at least 1.5 metres away from anyone displaying signs of COVIDiocy. Do not, as as far as possible, provided you can make it safe, and I think you can, socially engage. If the virus is wearing a sombrero, try to squash it. You will probably spot a sombrero-wearing virus because they tend to tip the sombreros over one eye while sleeping in the hot midday sun. Creep up from behind whilst simultaneously backing away and repeating in a calm but monotonous voice:

The world is flat. Vaccines are bad for you. Trump is not a racist. Johnson Got Brexit Done!”

until the virus and/or its followers check their mobiles for an update about deathlibobs.

Now wave your arms around madly while singing ‘Happy Birthday’ twice. Then run to your car, drive to one of your houses and take refuge in your private wood (or small forest) remembering at all times to maintain a minimum of 1.5 metres between you and your servants, your dog and your wife or grandfather if under 17.

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COVIDiots (Make the World Go Flat)

Now COVID’s just a flu that makes you sneeze a lot
And Trump’s response was just sardonic
The moon is made of only greenest cheese (a lot)
Buzz Lightyear never walked upon it
It’s a big conspiracy
Big enough for you and me

Don’t need no 5G towers in my neighbourhood
Don’t need no mind-controlling Chinks
We burned em down and yeah that makes us feel good
but now my mobile’s on the blink
And water is not wet
I read it on the internet

COVIDiots here, COViDiots there
COVIDiots every bleeding where
They dispute this and they refute that
COVIdiots make the world go flat

KICK A COVIDIOT
Are you a pangolin or bat?
KICK A COVIDIOT

And if I’m ill I don’t need medication
I am not man. I am a free.
No vax created by no lizard nation
Sheeple need democracy
They believe that life is great
In the darkest deepest state

COVIDiots here…

KICK A COVIDIOT
Who are you calling democrat?
KICK A COVIDIOT

I don’t accept your stupid evolution
This is no planet of the apes
The scientists – well, they got no solution
With their white coats and their red tape
So fill the sodding moat
Else I’ll punch yer up ver froat

COVIDiots here…

KICK A COVIDIOT
Gimme petrol gimme oil
KICK A COVIDIOT
Bring the oceans to the boil
KICK A COVIDIOT
Kill the birds and all the fish
KICK A COVIDIOT
Serve them in a tasty dish
KICK A COVIDIOT
Keep the women in the kitchen
KICK A COVIDIOT
Send ‘em all right back to Hitchin
KICK A COVIDIOT
My conspiracy’s better than your one
KICK A COVIDIOT
Who are you calling a moron?
KICK A COVIDIOT

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COVIDiots is not from the latest album OMG! But it should have been.