Fish poster
Thanks For All the Fish Poster

Here we have a unique shiny poster with lots of fish on it. Give thanks for all the fish! And spend happy hours peering at the entire panoply of Gordon’s recordings tucked discreetly away in the cosmos, if you peer closely.

Chris Townson depicted God puffing away in a heavenly stupor as he cast a jaundiced eye of the heavenly proceedings. and why not? He is omniscient after all, although his concurrent omnipotence is clearly problematic. But let us not become sidetracked into theology. If you ask nicely, the poster can be dedicated to you in the large area at the bottom reserved expressly for that purpose (at the bottom of the poster, we mean).

The poster is 594 mm x 842 mm, if you do metric,  and a simple calculation reveals this to be the equivalent (at least for Europeans) of 60 cm x 85 cm. For British people, that’s seven rods by six poles, or possibly perches.

And you can – must! – buy it here for a mere EUR 13 p&p.

However, and it’s a big but, please note the following. Thanks to the German postal service, we have just discovered that the cost of sending this poster in a cardboard tube amounts to EUR 38 per package. The poster is admittedly enormous but so clearly are the postage costs. This is  bonkers but, if anyone wants to go down that route, just let us know, by selecting the ‘rich bastard’ option.

Alternatively we offer a far more affordable 3.50 EUR postage version, which will mean that the poster is folded carefully (by Albanian virgins, if you want to know) and then placed delicately, but firmly, in a padded envelope. Following this, prayers (in Sami) will be said for its safe arrival, and small puffins will then be sacrificed to ensure its timely delivery. Inevitably, there may be fold marks, and the possible splash of bodily fluids from the small, by-now-lifeless birds who will have selflessly given their lives for the safety of your luxury lifestyle product. But it cheaper, let’s face it.

The poster will under no circumstances be squashed terminally flat as if jumped on by overweight ant eaters, or even a single ant eater, perhaps one who now lives on his own and spends most of the day watching the BBC2 test card hoping that something will come on quite soon. So that’s something, at least. But we have become distracted…

Given it’s unique nature (this first run of 50 enormo-posters will obviously never be repeated), we feel that it’s worth your while. But of course you have the choice. You are not a number, after all.

So it’s either the I-am-a-rich-bastard-please-send-me-the-pristine-poster-in-a-cardboard-tube model (a snip at 13 EUR plus 38 EUR p&p) or else it’s the I-am-a-normal-working-stiff-and require-sane-treatment version, also a snip but at 13 EUR plus a mere 3.50 EUR p&p.

It’s a good job we are not communists, is all I can say. Up the workers!

Normal working stiff, salt of the earth type of person version:

Rich bastard version:

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