Make your own mudbath by simply converting unused orange bile into music! Follow the pre-digested bite-sized guide below and convert your favourite crap into an artistic statement.

A Glorious Mudbath

Here’s how you do it.

1: Choose your speech:

Select a segment of speech from your favourite overweight wanna-be dictator. Tip: if the banter is rather demented and clearly extemporised, it will work better for our purposes – see the paper below if you want to know why.

Here’s our man Don the Bigly Felon ranting about a bloodbath:

Nothing Quite Like It for Cooling the Bloodbath

Alternatively, if you just can’t stand the utter orangeness, here’s the audio only:

2: Make a metric map:

Create a metric map following the instructions below (more details on request). This method was presented in a workshop at the Hochschule Der Kunste in Zurich as part of the TENOR conference in April 2024.

These steps will lead you to a metric map. Here’s the metric map for Bloodbath:

3: Replace the words with new words:

Using your newly created metric map as a basis, compose some new words to replace the orange bile and stand well back. Throw the previous words with great force into a handy rubbish bin or cesspit.

4: No more orange crap!

Bingo! Bongo! (but no foreigners)! You have a new composition! Inspired by an imagined fusion of Flanders, Swann and Trump, here’s ‘Mudbath’. Via a process of chrysopoeia, the previously-orange crap has been converted into a shiny new artistic statement!

5: Mudbath!

Here’s the metric map for the final piece used in the below video:

6: It are go like this, innit:

There’s Gonna Be a Mudbath

7: And now…

Now all you have to do is keep a weather ear open for new source material. Don’t worry, there is currently no shortage of insane stuff flying about – expect more rhapsodies on the topic of sharks and electric boats any day now. More Mudbath info and a behind-the-scenes gallery right here.