We are deeply moved and feel disconsolate that you have decided to interrupt your purchase. After all, there are starving children in Africa. Now we are not saying that you are responsible, or at least not entirely, for this sorry state of affairs but we do most sincerely believe that we should cannot make the point too strongly. It’s namby-pamby, lily-livered, undecisive milksops like you that are entirely, or almost entirely, responsible for the collapse of western civilisation, the downfall of the Roman empire, Boris and Dump and the strange man upstairs.

Do have another think, won’t you? And then we won’t say another word about it.