Only the other day, Spaffa Pig went to Peppa Pig World for a work meeting. Peppa Pig World is his kind of place, he said. It was OK because everyone was wearing a suit and talking about work, despite the fact that all the other pigs had been told not to. Well, it is a hard life for some, with all that lobbying and squirrelling away of backhanders, so do not begrudge them a little squeal of pure pleasure now and again.

All the pigs were there – Choleric Pig, Hopeless Pig, Baldy Pig and even Miz Pig, clutching Spaffa-Jnr Pig. My how they squealed as they stuck their snouts into the troughs full of delicious (British, democratic) wine and cheese (freedom-loving, not foreign. Georgio Pig, a good friend of Spaffa’s, said “We looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

Hello pigs, hello sky, hello trees, hello backhanders

This extract is from the forthcoming musical ‘Snouts in the Trough (Let’s Get All Our, Quick)’. Spaffa Pig confirms that he is eager to receive all donations towards the expensive and essential decoration of his new sty, and indeed any other donations for any reason whatsoever. Oink oink!